Bursting
I have never felt so helpless in my whole life. I’m trying to look at the brighter and lighter side of things but it has recently been getting difficult.
Dysfunctional parent. I was asked by my papa, how can a married woman say that she loves another man? Then says she has done nothing wrong? She has totally lost her mind. When I look at her, I see a stranger. When she left, I did not miss her. We were never close, but lately, I just see a stranger. I know that I should be grateful. Indeed I am. She “was” my mother and took the responsibilities of one. Although one thing she didn’t give was affection. I didn’t mind before. I thought it was normal. No hugs, because she didn’t like feeling sticky or hot. No mother-daughter talks about boys and anything about love. But she did put me in a good school, attended school meetings, met my friends, accompanied me to important moments of my life. But somehow, this betrayal of hers overwhelmed everything. Natabunan ang lahat na kabutihan na ginawa niya. I say betrayal because she destroyed this family. She threw her marriage away. And another thing that angers me is how can she do this to papa? He saved her from poverty. He gave her family money so that her brother could finish his studies and helped with the start-up of various businesses which flopped. He was supportive and gave all. And she does THIS. When we fought, I felt no regret nor was I sorry. She deserved it. She deserves more from me. Once the papers are done, she will be out of my life. I promise. I don’t think I can forgive her.
Sick parent. This weekend, I was on leave. Papa had a high fever and couldn’t move his joints. It scared me. Really it did. Had his check-up and drank medicines, and with the constant effort to lower his temperature, the fever broke. I was so thankful. However, to be sure, he undertook a blood test and unfortunately, there was some abnormality in his results. Tonight, he told me when the doctor relayed the results, he became worried and thought that it may be cancer. The doctor said that his white blood cells were low. I’m not a doctor but I thought that since he had fever and his body was just recovering, it was normal to have low white cells? He was advised however to see a hematologist so I will accompany him tomorrow. He scared me though. He said he had a dream two weeks ago that I was wearing black and had red-rimmed eyes and was mourning. :’(
Dear God, please give me strength.
I swear I am not doing this on purpose. I just see them. This is from one of the well-known airlines here.
From “Sweet Charity”
(Source: icanread)
Yesterday, he stormed out of the house after I refused to talk to him. Topic? About my masters. Again.
No matter how I try to convey to him, he just doesn’t get it. I can’t be FORCED to study just because I’m getting older by the minute, that the salary I’m getting doesn’t suit the lifestyle I’m living and lifestyle that I want to have. It just doesn’t work that way. Especially when the schools we’re talking about are abroad. Not to mention the money involved. I haven’t saved enough and for once, I don’t want to ask even though I know that my parents will give it.
Australia, Spain or Germany. Even the names of these countries give me goosebumps.
I’m not ready. But I will be.
I’ve always been privy to simple grammatical/typographical errors. I can’t believe this “passed” the editor. I mean, if this was to be used publicly, it should have been thoroughly checked. Right?
Empty
I visited my blog a while ago and was puzzled as to why it was empty. I thought there was a glitch in my layout. Well, thing is, there was no problem at all. My blog is just really…
E-M-P-T-Y!!!
Sad. But it’s all gonna change starting now.
